Acest infam numit Clarkson

27 martie 2015

Sim­pa­tic sau ener­vant? Je­remy Clar­k­son are des­tui sus­ți­nă­tori, oa­meni care îm­păr­tă­șesc pro­ba­bil opi­ni­ile sale, ex­pri­mate ade­sea în mod frust. Unele din­tre ele trec li­mita umo­ru­lui și de­vin jig­ni­toare. Iată câ­teva din­tre ele:

- Short pe­o­ple. When yo­u­’ve fi­nished using a car, put the f**king seat back, so hu­mans can use it afterwards.

- The only per­son who lo­o­ked good in a 4‑seated con­ver­ti­ble was Adolf Hitler.

- I’m thin­king. If you had gone to the tro­uble of ma­king a che­mi­cal bomb, why wo­uld you de­to­nate it on a coach from Preston?

- (Des­pre func­țio­na­rii pu­blici) I’d have them all shot. I wo­uld take them out­side and exe­cute them in front of their families.

- I don’t un­der­stand bus la­nes. Why do poor pe­o­ple have to get to pla­ces qui­c­ker than I do?

- The only rea­son the Arabs and Jews have ma­na­ged to keep their nasty lit­tle war go­ing for 50 years is be­ca­use it ne­ver bloody rains there. If the post-war powers had put Israel in Man­ches­ter, the­re’d have been no bloodshed.

- If all the cre­a­tu­res on earth were the same size, it’s said a lobs­ter wo­uld have the sma­l­lest brain. But then so­me­one in­ven­ted Wa­yne Rooney.

- They’re made in Ame­rica, of co­urse, so fat Yanks can go to the fri­dge wi­thout ex­pen­ding any energy.

- Su­per­cars are su­ppo­sed to run over Ar­thur Scar­gill and then run over him again for good mea­sure. They are de­sig­ned to melt ice caps, kill the poor, po­i­son the wa­ter ta­ble, des­troy the ozone la­yer, de­ci­mate in­di­ge­nous wil­d­life, re­cap­ture the Fa­l­k­land Islands and turn the en­tire third world into a huge uninha­bi­ta­ble de­sert, all that be­fore they nic­ked all the oil in the world.

- I’m sorry, but ha­ving an As­ton Mar­tin DB9 on the drive and not dri­ving it is a bit like ha­ving Keira Kni­gh­tley in your bed and sle­e­ping on the co­uch. If you’ve got even half a scro­tum it’s not go­ing to happen.

- (Des­pre va­can­țele în ru­lotă) You aren’t al­lowed to have a party, you aren’t al­lowed to have mu­sic, you aren’t al­lowed to play ball ga­mes, you aren’t al­lowed to have a camp fire, you have to park wi­thin two feet of a post, you have to keep qu­iet, you have to be in bed by ele­ven. This is not a ho­li­day, it’s a con­cen­tra­tion camp!

- Britain’s nu­clear su­b­ma­ri­nes have been de­e­med un­safe… pro­ba­bly be­ca­use they don’t have wheel-chair access.

- If we are be­ing ho­nest HIV is a pa­the­tic vi­rus, it can only live in the air for 6 se­conds and it does what ebola does to you in 10 days in 10 years.

- (Des­pre Lo­tus Elise) This car is more fun than the en­tire french air force cra­shing into a fi­rework factory.

- (Des­pre Sa­rah Jes­sica Par­ker) Pe­o­ple think ‘oh she must be pretty’. She isn’t – she lo­oks like a bo­i­led horse.

- (Des­pre BMW Z3) And if you are cli­ni­ca­lly in­sane, by which I mean you wake up in the mor­ning and think you are an onion, here’s your car.

- (Des­pre Fer­rari 430 Scu­de­ria) It’s like God ha­ving re­a­lly unu­sual sex… it sho­uld come with to­i­let roll.

- The pro­blem is that te­le­vi­sion exe­cu­ti­ves have got it into their heads that if one pre­sen­ter on a show is a blonde-hai­red, blue-eyed he­te­ro­se­xual boy, the other must be a black Mu­slim lesbian.

- If yo­u­’re thin­king of co­ming to Ame­rica, this is what it’s like: yo­u­’ve got your Com­fort Inn, yo­u­’ve got your Best Wes­tern, and yo­u­’ve got your Red Lobs­ter where you eat. Eve­ry­bo­dy’s very fat, eve­ry­bo­dy’s very stu­pid and eve­ry­bo­dy’s very rude — it’s not a ho­li­day pro­gramme, it’s the truth.


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